I’ve been working on a writing project for the past several weeks. And today, I chucked it in the dustbin. Although I thought it was well written and compelling, I couldn’t really buy into it, and I got weary of it not wrapping up.
So, I picked up another writing project of a friend’s; the writing is crisp, innovative, and entirely surprising and most of all compassionate and speaks depths.
I let go of one project. But was entirely blessed by another, which goes to show, one can learn many life lessons.
Sometimes my walk of life as a wife, mom, businesswoman, leader and friend takes on avenues I never thought I’d be. I find myself in surprising places, some of which I’d rather not be. Eventually, to move forward in life, I have to learn the art of letting go of those surprising places, in order to embrace today. But that’s not easy, is it?
There was a lingering responsibility I felt when I tossed the other project but a scrumptious joy when I replaced it with another. There is also a lingering responsibility I feel when I move away from another time of my life, but a calmness and joy when I begin to experience the joy of living in the moment.
In all that, God is asking me something impossible: to let go, to toss away, to take the ME who criticizes me to oblivion. The ME who berates me with should-should-should hymns in my head. Though that ME pummels me with you’re-no-goods, I’m hesitant to let her go. She’s my security blanket, the Me who keeps me in line, who smashes any sense of pride and insures the proper levels of humility.
Can I toss that ME away? And in her place what will God do? What will He make of little ol’ me? Who will I be if I’m not critical of myself? Maybe I’ll be that woman I fear! Maybe I’ll have joy, peace, hope and laughter or maybe just plain rest, which seems to have hidden from me.
What do you need to toss? What is God asking you to pick up? Are you scared? Excited? Indifferent? I can tell you this: I’m a bit terrified at the prospect. Even so, I am hopeful that leaving parts of me behind mean I’ll be finding great new things . . . just like the writings.
If only life were as simplistic as words on a page.
2 Comments
July 6, 2009 at 11:07 am
There is little doubt that God is asking me to let go of EVERYTHING. Not habits or abilities or making changes to be open to something new. He seems to constantly bring me to this place where I have nothing left in my hands so I am open to only Him. Nothing else. I’m learning to rest there, as hard as that is sometimes.
This prayer keeps me focused on that daily:
I offer you, Lord, my thoughts: to be fixed on you; my words: to have you for their theme; my actions: to reflect my love for you; my sufferings: to be endured for your greater glory.
I want to do what you ask of me: in the way you ask, for as long as you ask, because you ask it. I pray, Lord, that you enlighten my mind, inflame my will, purify my heart, and sanctify my soul. O Mary, Mother of God and my Mother, pray also to Jesus for me. Amen.
July 9, 2009 at 6:26 am
It’s not so much what God is giving me to pick up it’s what He’s telling me to stop or let go of. He sometimes will ask us to stop doing something He asked us to do in the first place, something He’s gifted us for, something we’re passionate about. That’s disturbing sometimes. But you know what, when we sit down and concede to His will, He’ll always show us something even better. It took me an entire week to let go of something. I kept praying about it and His answer was, “that’s no longer in season.”