After an early morning walk this week; I found myself dwelling too much time out of that walk focusing on the hard luggage of my life. Silent people, Frustrating financials losses, teenagers missing the mark, re-training, and being wounded by words saying I wasn’t enough. As often happens with things such as those, the attention I gave them only served to make all the bad worse and the good harder to see.

Then God told me to stop. 

As simple as that, He said I needed to see my life for what it was, a compilation of a million moments – some of them hard and painful yes, but many more of them overwhelmingly wonderful. 

I received it and I did stop. I stopped looking at the negative load and I started searching for the wonderful.  What I found was startling. Not only were there shining moments of beauty and grace happening all around me, but there were also everyday moments of ordinary life that were wonderful all in their own right. 

When I took away the lens of the negative and forced myself to look at the positive, I found that there were far more things worth celebrating in that one day than I had ever realized. What I took from all of this was that this is it.

The dogs running through the sand freely and wildly.

The store clerk at the Circle K this morning for my dose of coffee.

Even the dumb sweaters my neighbor put on his Yorkie (as unfortunate as animals in clothes are).

This is what our world is made up of.

These ordinary things. 

If we’re willing to take the time to see it, we’ll realize that this ordinary day is wonderful because it’s simple and complicated, beautiful and mysterious and wholly ours.

Live in the ordinary and celebrate the extraordinary. 

 See the wonder in this ordinary day. 

Mt Helix, El Cajon, Ca sunrise last week

My Habakkuk prayer: ”SILENCE IS BROKEN GOD SPEAKS!!!” “Look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” (1:5) “But the things I plan wont happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.”(2:3) “What wonderful God He Is!!!”(3:3b)

This morning I awoke feeling out of it.  I absolutely didn’t want to do anything but lie there and mope under my quilt.   But mom duties prevailed and a paycheck to be earned so I jumped out of bed and got dressed.  

I looked at my daily outlook calendar and saw all my appointments for the day and a kindly reminder popped up. 

 Donut and juice give away at the center.  

Okay I pushed delete function as fast as I could; no way was I going to do that in the mood I was in.  I got in my car and waited for my prima donna son to fix his unruly hair and as I waited my phone beeps with a schedule message alert. 

Donut and juice give away at the center. 

Delete. 

As I drove my son to school at 6:10 in the morning, I was cold.  I blasted my heat to warm myself up. 

As I pulled out of the high school, I turned the corner of the driveway and sat there thinking and  where would I spend the next hour or so before I went to work.  I had several choices but I was dishelved; so instead I just stayed there slumped behind the wheel feeling sorry for myself.

As I started to think how my heart felt,  I was overcome by emotion and asked God to simply “give me something… anything”.  

I was hungry for something. 

Shortly after, I got a phone call from Trish a co-worker who was already at the center and said that they were going to hit the streets around 16^th st. and to meet her there.  She said flippantly.  “You have no excuses Heidi.” 

I sat there in my car choosing,  to stay cold and hungry and moping for myself insteead or going. 

“I have no excuses….. “She was right.  

I turned on my car and went to 16^th and market.  As I walked the one block left, I met up with women, men, and children who were cold, hungry, BUT they were unusually upbeat… 

They had all the reasons to have their own pity parties I had thought; but didn’t.  One after another we gave those packaged donuts and  juices, smiling, shaking their hands wishing them the best

One by one they outstretched their hands and told us thank you,  up until I met Millie.  She responded differently from the rest and she said, “Sister, God loves and knows you”.  I was stopped in my tracks overwhelmed by her words, so I hugged her. 

…how often do we pass them by or look away…. 

I was really struck by the plight of this crowd in disparity to the comfortable and sane life I lead….it reminded me that with all the stress and sometimes hard places I have in my life I need to be grateful for all that I do have and that God hasn’t left His post. He is still fighting for me and giving me is over abundance of grace and favor. 

I left the corner of 16^th and Market changed,warmed, fed, and upbeat.

I’ve been thinking about the expression since my daughter Colleen’s conversation last night.  ”Friendly fire” It expression of course describes a position in which a military group inadvertently causes harm to its own forces. This nature of loss seems especially tragic because it’s unnecessary and makes triumph even harder to attain. When I see it in the news, I shake my head and wonder, “How could that have happen?”

 Yet as battles rage within me or maybe someone whom I care about, we often take on in friendly fire as well.

One morning recently my coworker Joyce invited me to pray for her over a warm cup of tea. She shared some frustrations of the past month that she been facing; fighting with kid’s sicknesses, going through some challenges at the office, and dealing with some personal issues in her life. I became real reflective since my own life started having the same similarity too at times.

I blurted and said, “We are called to be warriors.” Tears came to both of our eyes in unison and she said, “I know but right now I’m just tired. I don’t feel like fighting anymore.” I gently placed my hands on hers across the table and began to pray.  

As I whispered the prayer I sensed the Lord speaking and causing a hushing to my heart, “I am for you. When you come in opposition to yourself, you side with the adversary.” I knew instantly what those words meant.

 When I don’t personally feel good or get discouraged, I begin an inner bombardment against myself. I launch lies like, “You’re not good enough. You’re letting everyone down. You’re a frustration to God.” Each word wounds my heart extra until I feel utterly overpowered.

After that cup of tea I went to my favorite part of the bible.  I have read these verses over and over again since high school.  At the end of the chapter of Romans 8 four important questions are asked:

If God is for us, who can be against us?

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?

Who is he that condemns?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?

These rhetorical questions come with the answer “no one.” But I’ve realized my answer to those questions is often “me.”

God has defeated our enemies, given us this incredible victory, and made us more than conquerors. But because of my free will, we can still choose to be against ourselves.

When we do so, we fight on the enemy’s side—whether we realize it or not.

We may never fight a military battle or face persecution, but we are still warriors in the battle for the guarding of our hearts and minds.

The word Conquer “implies mastery of” and while I may be my toughest opponent, God isn’t giving up on me.

 He isn’t giving up on you either